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About The Hero's Spouse

Well, if you've found this site, you are probably looking for help with your marriage. I'm Kenda-Ruth—also known as Rollercoasterider and if you've been wondering:

  • How do I save my marriage?
  • Or maybe, can my marriage be saved?
  • How can I Stand for my marriage when my spouse won't even talk to me?
  • How do I stop crying, begging, panicking...?
  • How do I detach?
  • How do I forgive?
  • How can I trust again?
  • What is going on inside my spouse's head?
  • Why is my spouse so mean to me?
  • Is it really all my fault; that's what my spouse is saying?
  • Was my marriage all a lie?
  • What is midlife crisis?

Or maybe you just want support from others who are going through the same things as you.

Breathe a sigh of relief, because you are in the right place.

Here's how The Hero's Spouse will help you Stand for your marriage.

I have a three-pronged approach:

  1. Information
    I define and explain the psychology of midlife crisis and infidelity.
  2. Healing
    I call this Paving the Way & Mirror-Work. You need to learn to detach from the drama so that you can function, right? You need to pick yourself up and live even though you are hurting. You need to stop having those awful movies playing through your head.
  3. Interacting with your spouse
    I know, your spouse keeps screaming at you, or withdrawing or they won't talk to you at all and you want to pull your hair out in frustration. Help is here. Learn what to say and how to say it or what not to say and when to walk away. Learn what to do or not do or what you might be doing that is AWESOME and on target or what you might be doing that is helping you stay stuck.
How do I do this?

Well, I do have a lot of articles, but I don't work alone. I have you and your peers and I want to put you together. Though I believe the articles I have written for you will be invaluable in helping you through this trauma, the greatest resource is my online forum where hundreds of betrayed spouses meet to tell their stories, advise and support each other. Not a joiner? Then you can read along and maybe you'll change your mind, but it's okay if you don't.

So my first piece of advice is to head over to my forum and register. Then post your story. You will be amazed at the support. And I send all newbies a welcome message with all the first pieces of advice and which articles to read first. This stuff can be pretty overwhelming and so I don't want to overload you all at once because it's hard to know where to start.

And maybe one of the most awesome things about the forum and posting your story is that we have a peer mentor program. You can read more about it here. If you start a story thread I will assign you a mentor from our team of peer mentors. It is that person's job to check in on you and follow you for the first few months on the forum. Worried about your spouse finding you, we have a solution to that as well! I offer a Private Board Subscriber board for those who purchase a 6 or 12 months subscription. You can read about those here.

My next piece of advice is sign up to receive email updates to my blog Love AnyWay. It's where I post my newest articles and by signing up you will get a notice in your mail every time I post something new. In addition, you get the personality disorder reviews from my popular article series Affair and Midlife Crisis Personality Dynamics, with special bonus additions available only if you sign up.

Love AnyWay

What people have said about The Hero's Spouse website

  • Your site has been the most informative I have encountered on Midlife Crisis.

  • Your articles give me a lot of insights which helps me gain a better understanding... I have heard a lot of advice, but thus far your website has given me the advice that I need.

  • An amazing site! You made a lot of confusion clear, the acting strange, coming and going. This site helped explain what it might be and is helping me thru.

  • This information is a Godsend to me. Your words explain this all so clearly.

  • Been struggling with decision to/not to divorce my adulterous wife who doesn't want to divorce. This site has been validating and a source of strength to not throw in the towel.

  • Thank you so much for your newsletter and website - I subscribed only yesterday, but already feel that I am getting more concrete answers to what is going on in my marriage.

  • [The MLC site] changed my whole world... It helped me move on to new levels within days. Now don't get me wrong, I am in NO WAY cured, as a matter of fact, I haven't stopped crying in days, but I don't have that one question running thru my head anymore. Why did he do this to me? Or What did I do to deserve this?

  • OMG! This MLC site describes her and the situation verbatim!

  • Even though my marriage will end, your site was still very helpful to me. Helpful in understanding what I must do to get back on my feet and have a good life. So again...thanks.

  • If you have helped only one person, and that person is me, please know how extremely important your words are to me.


Ask a Question

Tell me what you are struggling with and maybe you will see your question answered as a future blog post.