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Life Cycle and Development
Affects at Midlife
Stage I: Midlife Regression
Regression to Stage 1 may be indicative of developmental gaps in either Stage 1 or Stage 2--Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt. Before proceeding to developmental Stage 2, a person may regress to Stage 1 and recheck his development of trust vs. doubt so that it can support Stage 2 as he fills in his developmental gaps. Such a regression may include testing trust boundaries through mistrust of Self and others and possibly paranoia. As an MLCer progresses through his crisis, he eventually recognizes his own cycling and inconsistencies. The MLCer is afraid that he cannot trust himself; he has changed his mind so many times that he doesn't trust what he believes about himself in each moment since though he may know what he wants in each moment, he has come to learn that he wants the opposite within hours, days or weeks. This means he's trying to be realistic and respectful, it may also mean he's martyring himself. As he finally realizes this, he comes to mistrust himself. Learning trust includes learning to mistrust and doubt securely.
Have you ever been scared or had doubts that you wanted to hide from others because you were afraid of how it would make them feel or because of what they would do? The MLCer needs to feel safe within their fears and doubts and that their spouses will not react emotionally. He needs to feel that instead, she will understand and empathize. He needs to feel safe relaying his feelings to his marital partner--such is necessary for true intimacy. He needs to feel safe within his uncertainty so that he can learn not only how to trust, but also what to trust; verbalized doubts and fears of his Standing spouse undermine such safety. Criticisms, deliberate guilt trips, pressure, disappointment and such tactics may cause him to withdraw. He needs someone who is a safe confidant.
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