Monster is the bursting forth of the extroverted Shadow. Everyone has a Shadow side comprised of demons, shames and fears. The Shadow contains fragments that are both bad and good. Monster is fragments of the Shadow that are bad; Monster is evil. The person in a midlife crisis is an entire person, Monster and Not-Monster. The Not-Monster personality type can vary, but it is not pure and all good; rather, it is real, complete with emotions and needs containing Shadow fragments too.
Some spend most of their midlife crisis in Monster, some spend little or no time in Monster and others are in and out—perhaps mostly during Replay.
What or Who is Monster?
- Monster is like a manic depressive in the Manic state.
This state has moods swings, but they are mostly of a higher energy.
- Monster is a Narcissist.
- Monster is vindictive and deliberately mean.
- Monster wants out—and is more likely to take legal action.
- Monster is paranoid.
- Monster blames or projects.
- Monster throws tantrums when it doesn’t get its way
- Monster twists what people say and tries to use it against the spouse.
This divides people by creating discord and distrust among friends.
- Monster is happy when causing pain.
- Monster may have a high sex drive—sex is a thrill.
Monster does not have affairs. Affairs are about relationships; Monster uses women for sex.
- Monster is not capable of emotional ties with anyone other than the spouse or person who is the object of blame and projection.
- Monster’s is selfish and its goal is self-preservation, therefore Monster is not suicidal. But Not-Monster may feel there is no way to escape Monster himself or to protect his loved one’s from Monster than to destroy the vessel.
- Monster is about 17 years mature.
Though Monster is a symptomatic personality of Midlife Crisis, it is not the MLCer; Monster loves Midlife Crisis because it weakens the Not-Monster alter-ego, allowing Monster to influence and eventually exert control and because Midlife Crisis creates Chaos and discord—which Monster loves. MLCers are often aware of their erratic behaviour, whereas Monster believes it is the only sane and rational person. Though many MLCers may not be in Monster, there is a Monster-influence that diminishes awareness. Greater awareness—less Monster influence—yields lower energy or depressive episodes.
Many MLCers say they want their spouse to find someone else. Either Monster or Not-Monster may say this. When the speaker is Monster, this may be indicative that Not-Monster refused to say or want this and Monster is provoking Not-Monster or Monster may see it as a manipulative ploy for leverage in court. If the speaker is Not-Monster, he will say it because due to his low self-worth he thinks his spouse will be better off with someone else—martyr syndrome, or he it will alleviate his guilt; he is almost always mistaken.
Affair
The difficult thing to understand is that it is not Monster, but rather Not-Monster who is having the affair. The alter-ego is in the Midlife Crisis and thus a state of dis-ease. An affair involves a relationship beyond sex; Monster is not capable of emotional attachment to anyone other than the projection of his blame and anger—usually the spouse. Monster is a cheater and an adulterer; he has sex with the OW, parties with her and plays with her, but he is using her; the OW infatuation belongs to Not-Monster.
Attributes
Attributes are neither good nor bad but rather can be used for either. Thus even though Monster is pure evil, its attributes are not; rather it uses or channels them toward negativity. Monster is strong, invincible and invulnerable; Not-Monster is the complete opposite. Strength is a desired quality and Not-Monster respects and envies Monster’s strength and though Not-Monster does not like Monster, he also doesn’t want him gone.
Divorce
Monster wants a divorce at any cost. It is not only Monster that seeks a divorce, but Monster has greater energy to act by taking legal action. Monster can be angered and will erupt into a tantrum. But it also knows how to play the system for legal leverage. Separating which actions are Not-Monster and which are Monster is difficult and sometimes impossible.
Cycling
Monster is often consistent, but because of the influence of Not-Monster, the MLCer’s moods will cycle. Monster wants out and Not-Monster may not. Both may be trying to speak at once or within minutes of each other.
Not-Monster Type: Puppy-Dog
Puppy-dog is Monster’s opposite, needy and whimpering; Puppy is pathetic. He doesn't recall his reasons for returning on previous occasions. Puppy-Dog doesn't understand the consequences of Monster and he often has little memory or at least understanding of what happened while in Monster. Puppy wants to come home and does not recall his reasons for returning on previous occasions—otherwise he would not have left. Whereas Monster is aware of Puppy-dog and his cycling moods, Puppy lacks such clarity.
Monster uses Puppy as bait. It is a difficult personality because though Puppy is pathetic, he is also genuine. He loves you and doesn’t understand why no one will give him a chance—even though he has had multiple chances; I know how I feel and thus he cannot understand why no one believes him. He doesn't realize he's felt and said the same things over and over.
Puppy-dog is a pleaser. If he is living with the OW, he may want to come home, but he will play the part of loving her when with her because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone, being mean is not nice, and her home may be the only place he can stay for free—Puppy is a tramp.
I can't believe how beautiful you are…my friends said I should get you flowers.
I can't believe how beautiful you are…my friends said I should get you flowers.
What these words fail to show is the idolatry in the tone. It is not flattering to be told you are beautiful with such amazement. Spouses are meant to be equals; you are as much a sinner and make as many mistakes as any MLCer. The problem with pedestals is that it is easy to fall off. I want Sweetheart to love me, not idolize me. But Puppy Dog idolizes—when living at home or with an OW.
Aren’t you going to hug me?
Spoken in public only days after leaving home in Monster to live with the OW—an in-out behaviour repeated multiple times.
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