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Wallow or Embrace

By Kenda-Ruth Stumpf

  • What doesn't kill you will make you stronger.
  • Every cloud has a silver lining.
  • It's always darkest before the dawn.
  • All's well that ends well.
  • Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
  • Everything works out in the end.
  • Everything happens for a reason.
  • When the world gives you lemons, make lemonade.
  • Into each life a little rain must fall.

UGH, don't you hate clichés? Maybe you don't, but you probably tire of hearing them. But clichés become clichés because of their common usage in expressing universal truths--or admittedly what people think are truths. How we view our circumstances will determine the outcome. Your MLCer may not return and another Stander with an opposite view or attitude may also complete this journey without their MLCer. But what each of you does with your circumstances is dependent on your personal perceptions, choices and attitude.

The word crisis is the summation of danger and opportunity. Within every circumstance you have an opportunity to fail and an opportunity to succeed; and you choose which happens. This is not about competition and winning since such things are dependent on not only your efforts, but also someone else's. If you finish in second place it may be because your opponent tried harder or simply because they are faster than you; their skill does not make you a failure. My years as a swimmer who finished last or second to last were successful because of my personal improvements and the joy I felt in the experience.

Are you wallowing in the victim's suffering or embracing your challenges as though they are a teacher helping you to grow? Are you attached to your suffering? I believe that wallowed suffering is doomed to repetition until you choose to embrace it and allow it to teach you the way out. The way out is through; a wallower may experience a reprieve or remission from suffering, but without the skills learned through embracing, each new challenge for which you lack the coping skills will be a return to suffering.

Your fears will continue to haunt you as long as you run away from them--the way out is in. Turn around and face the monster that is chasing you in your dreams. Maybe it will be as fierce and frightening as you imagined or maybe you will discover it is chasing you because it is injured and wants help; you won't know until you turn around and face it. There is a fear in the unknown. You want your life back, your spouse back and normalcy back. Back back back. Even if your life wasn't so great at least it was familiar. But there is no going back after a demolition the building is gone. Go forward and rebuild. Suffering and adversity can seem life shattering, but in actuality it is life's illusions that they shatter. Rebuild you life and Self now and perhaps you will have the opportunity and choose to rebuild your marriage...later.

I'm Kenda-Ruth and I believe in marriage.
Are you tired of hearing...
  • Once a cheater always a cheater?
  • You're better off without him?
  • She doesn't deserve you?
  • I guess it just wasn't meant to last?
  • Divorce is no big deal?
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