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Part 1: Standing Actions

By Kenda-Ruth Stumpf


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How do you deal with someone who is having a midlife crisis? Even those who live away from home are often a constant presence.

How do you handle or respond to the...

  • Anger
  • Blaming
  • Venomous Spewing
  • Cake-Eating
  • Button-Pushing & Baiting
  • Threats

  • Cycling Moods
  • Changing Mind
  • Multiple Personalities
  • Fears--his or your own

  • Behavioural Defenses
  • Giant Ego
  • Paranoia

  • Sob Story
  • Begging & Pleading
  • Empty Apologies
  • Martyrdom
  • Depression
  • Denial

  • Lack of Progress--bad or good
  • Worsening Situation
  • Depression
  • Addictive Behaviour

  • Defenses of the OW
  • Defenses of the OW Relationship
  • OW Contact (Contact with you)

Does knowing about the stages and psychology of Midlife Crisis help or has it merely sent you into Analysis Paralysis? Does it make a difference that you now understand that he never fully resolved his childhood traumas? How does that help you now? Learning about Midlife Crisis may or may not help you--it is different for each person.

How does meditation help when he keeps interrupting or when your new-found Spirituality scares him? What good is your Positive Mental Attitude when he doesn't seem to care or when he thinks it is a manipulation? Focusing on your Self will certainly help you if you allow it to do so. Your Personal-Growth will build a foundation for dealing with your MLCer. The Midlife Crisis articles are intellectual theory and the Self-Focus articles are about your journey; this section is about Applied Action--directly dealing with your MLCer.

  • What are Boundaries and Tough Love?
  • Should you go No Contact or Dark and what is the difference?
  • If he's a Cake-Eater, what does this mean for you?
  • When is it your turn? When do you get to fall apart; when can you vent? How do you recover after venting at him? Was venting a good or bad thing?

I don't have the answers and if I give an answer, it may be WRONG! It may work for some and backfire for others. Sometimes an Action may seem to backfire, but the underground actions stimulate processing or progress--which may not be seen for months or years. The reverse is true for something which may seem positive. I am like you; the wife of an MLCer stumbling along through trial and error.

The goal here is not to stop or prevent a midlife crisis. Why? Because that cannot be done and if it seems to stop, beware, it is likely a premature. Midlife crisis is not something to get over, rather it is a journey to go through, the only way out is through to the end. The Standing Strategies build a foundation for a later return; they are not meant to turn him around right now.

I'm Kenda-Ruth and I believe in marriage.
Are you tired of hearing...
  • Once a cheater always a cheater?
  • You're better off without him?
  • She doesn't deserve you?
  • I guess it just wasn't meant to last?
  • Divorce is no big deal?
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