Hope for marriages in Midlife Crisis
Denial Vs. Acceptance
By Kenda-Ruth Stumpf
Denial and Acceptance are opposites. Denial is about not Accepting. Externally a person in Denial and one in Acceptance may appear the same. You both believe he will come home. You both have Faith in a Higher Power. You both may put up with a lot—or it may seem so to outsiders. How do you know whether you are in Denial or Acceptance?
| Denial | Acceptance |
|
Denies the process of the crisis I can make it better I can change him He will go through this quickly |
Accepts the process of the crisis Cycling Behaviour A few years in duration Infidelity |
| Insistence from a weak standpoint God wouldn't do this to me God won't let me down... |
God is doing this; maybe there is a reason. Or Free-Will etc. |
| Weak or Vacant sounding Lacking a tone of authority and confidence |
Confident and Authoritative Manner |
| Pretending nothing has changed If I pretend nothing is wrong, it will go away. |
Accepting change Not allowing him to pretend nothing is wrong I’m bothered that you… |
| Dismiss facts & his feelings This makes him feel worthless |
Faith without being dismissive Validate & Affirm |
| Standing out of Fear & Desperation Claims Faith, but Fear is indicative of a lack of Faith |
Standing out of Love and Personal Strength |
| Low Self-Worth, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem Finds Self-Love externally |
High Self-Worth, Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem Loves Self |
| Gave Up Personal Power Allows external control of emotions When he does that he makes me feel Mad, Sad, Happy… |
Accepts and Hold onto Personal Power Internal Emotional Control When he does that I feel Mad, Sad, Happy… |
| Victim This is being done to me Poor me |
I am in control of me Embraces personal journey |
| Always acting perky or happy |
Comfortable revealing all emotions |
Return to Standing Action Articles
Do you feel like a deer about two seconds after seeing the headlights?
You know you’ve gotta stop crying, panicking or asking your spouse ANYTHING. And you know you should let-go and give space so that you can learn to respond and communicate with your spouse from a place of calm rather than emotional hurt.
Introducing
Understanding Midlife Crisis
The foundational course to give you answers and clarity into "What the he!! Is going on with my spouse!"