The foundational course to give you answers and clarity into "What the he!! Is going on with my spouse!"
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I'm a mom of 5, a wife, a coach and a writer.
In 2004 I graduated with an MFA in Writing--focusing on writing for children. Four-and-a-half months later... BOMB DROP! I'd just started a new job and we were planning to start a family.
I probably don't need to tell you about the shock, the overwhelming pain and the confusion. My husband, Chuck, moved out in order to pursue a relationship with his soul mate.
My response was unexpected. I told him NO when he said he wanted a divorce. I told him that wasn't how this marriage thing worked and I chose to Stand for my marriage.
Follow that with three-and-a-half years of his midlife crisis which included moving home multiple times as he bounced between me and the alienator.
But we made it through--TOGETHER--and adopted 5 children. Five of the most adorable and huggable children!
I've been studying and writing about Midlife Crisis in marriage since Bomb Drop in 2005. I started my website in 2008 and my online forum on 2010.
What stage is my MLCer in?
If your Bomb Drop was yesterday your MLCer is in Escape & Avoid.
If your Bomb Drop was 6 months ago, your MLCer is in Escape & Avoid.
If your Bomb Drop was a year ago, your MLCer is in Escape & Avoid.
If your Bomb Drop was 18 months ago, your MLCer is in Escape & Avoid.
If your Bomb Drop was 2 years ago your MLCer is probably in Escape & Avoid.
Escape & Avoid has two energy types, High-Energy Replay or Low-Energy Wallower; most MLCers are High-Energy. Regardless of energy type, they are in this early stage from Bomb Drop through the first few years and this stage may or may not last many more years, but for up to the first two years after Bomb Drop I can guess they are in Escape & Avoid without knowing the specifics of your situation. I review the basics about Midlife Crisis, including the stages, in my FREE course Understanding Midlife Crisis.
Does anyone every return—do marriages reconcile?
Yes, mine did. Here is My Story. We also have a Reconciliation Thread at the forum and you can find stories in the process of reconciliation by reading the threads with purple story book icons. There are not a lot of purple threads, as many leave the forum and focus on their marriage at home instead of posting, so there is no way to know the statistical odds of reconciliation and there is no guarantee that your marriage will or will not survive.
What do I do about contact? Should I kick out my MLCer or tell them to stop coming to the house...? Should I go No Contact?
NO! Please understand, I am answering this for Standers who are in the beginning years of their spouses midlife crisis. If you are Standing for your marriage, beware of No Contact; contact is vitally important. Do not kick your MLCer out if you are able to handle the situation. The first days weeks and months after Bomb Drop are important for Paving the Way. No Contact is an advanced tool, for now learn about Dim and Dark.
Do not initiate contact with your MLCer, but do not cut them off either. Follow their lead.
How long does MLC last?
MLC ranges from 3 to upwards of 7 years, but that is not an average, rather it seems weighted toward the longer-term of 5 – 7 years and it may last more than 7 years. Reconnecting may begin as early as two years in rare cases, but Reconnection is not the end of MLC, rather it may be the beginning of the end.
Should I tell my spouse about MLC or this website? I think the information could help them understand and change.
NO! MLCers do not want to hear about MLC and will deny it—even those who initially use it as an excuse for their actions.
Can I still Stand if I am already divorced or get divorced?
Yes. Standing is your choice. It's about what you want and not about what anyone else wants or thinks is possible.
More in depth answers to these questions can be found in the chapter articles here at the main site and in the articles at the blog—Love AnyWay.