Coming & Going

Wanting More

I just want more from him. I want him to be groveling at my feet. He isn't and who knows if he ever will. 
A man needs to be respected. Would you respect a groveling man?

I just want more from her. I want her to beg me for help because she wants to come home and she was wrong. 
A woman needs to be appreciated, not rescued. You are her husband and that is the role of a King, not a brash and boastful knight.

If you want your MLCer to crawl and grovel, or beg and plead, you are having a superiority issue. Your MLCer committed adultery and you stayed home feeling self-righteous, he's wrong and you are right. Saying, feeling or showing I'm sorry is not something that must be groveled or pleaded. Perhaps you think that groveling is modesty and humble. No, it shows weakness.

Groveling and begging are desperate, not remorse. Remorse is genuine and deserves respect. So hope for remorse. Hope for a man you will respect, or a woman you will appreciate and cherish. Hope for a man who wants to make you feel like a Queen or a woman who loves her Self enough that she respects you as a mature King. Hope for someone who rather than trying to prove himself, is working toward improving himself. Proving oneself yields temporary behavior changes with no internal changes that are lasting.

If your MLCer seems to be taking the respectable route and taking it slowly, he is appreciating you as a Lady by understanding that a Queen doesn't want, need or respect a groveler, or she is respecting you as a man showing that she wants you and yet she is not your burden. You need to come to a place within yourself where you can offer your MLCer the same thing they are now giving themselves.

Asking for more is pressure. It will have the opposite intended result; your MLCer will pull away, complaining to you or to others that that every time he gives a little, all you want is more. He can only give in small quantities right now and your wanting more risks pressure and would constitute moving too fast. Ironically if he did more as you want, it may have less likelihood of working.

How will your MLCer return when his pride won't let him and he is racked with guilt for his bad behavior and for hurting you?

Because of how you treat him. It's pretty much that simple. Don't make him feel like he's crawling back with his tail between his legs, then he may not return. He will return because through your actions you have shown forgiveness and unconditional love.

Do you feel like a deer about two seconds after seeing the headlights?

You know you’ve gotta stop crying, panicking or asking your spouse ANYTHING. And you know you should let-go and give space so that you can learn to respond and communicate with your spouse from a place of calm rather than emotional hurt.

Understanding Midlife Crisis

The foundational course to give you answers and clarity into "What the he!! Is going on with my spouse!"