Table of Contents

The articles here on the main site are the first draft and online version of my book The Hero's Spouse. Later print versions will have some material removed as well as new material added--some articles which are at the blog perhaps.

Introductory Chapter: Standing 

Part I: MLC & Infidelity
Informational articles about Midlife Crisis & Infidelity 

Part II: Mirror-Work
Inspirational and instructional articles encouraging Self-Focus 

Part III: Standing Actions
Instructional articles about interacting with your MLCer

Chapter 1: Standing

5 Articles

  1. How Do You Stand?
  2. Why Are You Standing?
  3. Why Stand?
  4. Clarifying the Concept I
  5. Clarifying the Concept II

Part I: MLC & Infidelity

33 Articles

Chapter 2: Midlife Crisis Overview

  1. Overview
  2. Midlife Crisis Stages
  3. Contact Types
  4. Contact Types: Clinging Boomerang
  5. Monster
  6. Depression Overview
  7. Blind to Destruction
  8. Accommodation
  9. MLC Phase1: Separation
  10. Escape & Avoid
  11. Replay
  12. Covert Depression
  13. Stage Obsession
  14. MLC Phase 2: Liminality
  15. Transition is Liminal
  16. When is Liminality?
  17. MLC Phase 3: Rebirth & Integration: A Brief Introduction

Chapter 3: Turmoil & Chaos

  1. The Shadow
  2. Contrasexual Complex
  3. Initiatory Experience
  4. Tarnished Knight
  5. Projection

Chapter 4: Understanding Infidelity

  1. Introduction
  2. Why Her?
  3. In-fatuation Vs. In-Love
  4. Science Vs. Love
  5. Breaking Up is Hard
  6. Love & Hate
  7. Love & Indifference

Chapter 5: Affair & MLC Personality Dynamics

  1. Jealousy & Envy
  2. Emotional Blackmail
  3. Consequences

Part II: Mirror-Work

49 Articles

Chapter 6: The Unconditionals

  1. Grace
  2. The Fairness of Grace
  3. The Many Forms and Facets of Grace
  4. Agapé
  5. Forgiveness
  6. Stages of Victim Development
  7. Responsibility & the Betrayer

Chapter 7: The Assurances

  1. Introduction
  2. Hope
  3. The Greeks
  4. Relying on Hope and Enabling Hope
  5. Hope as Incentive and Signs
  6. False Hope
  7. Hopelessness
  8. Belief & Believe
  9. Self and Your Spouse
  10. Stories and Human Behavior
  11. God/Higher Power
  12. Faith
  13. Trust
  14. Deception Destroys Trust
  15. Tidbits of Trust

Chapter 8: The Releasers

  1. Introduction
  2. Detach
  3. Practical Applications to Detachment
  4. Let-Go
  5. Surrender
  6. Acceptance
  7. Accepting Sin
  8. The Nature of Suffering
  9. Wallow or Embrace?
  10. Are Attached to Your Inner Victim/Suffering?

Chapter 9: Gratitude

  1. Introduction
  2. Count Your Blessings
  3. Expectation & the Gratitude of Job
  4. In Defense and Caution of Praising God

Chapter 10: Who Are You?

  1. Who Are You?
  2. Why Should I Work on Myself?
  3. Fearing & Judging the Search
  4. Your Present Life Story
  5. Step Out of the Box
  6. The Insistence on Maps

Chapter 11: Choose Joy

  1. Choose Joy
  2. Positive Mental Attitude
  3. Be Infectious
  4. Acting as If--Fake it 'Til You Make it
  5. Happiness When
  6. How Should I Act Around Him?
  7. It Doesn't Matter What You Do...

Part III: Standing Actions

46 Articles

Chapter 12: Balancing Love

  1. Validation
  2. What's Bad?
  3. Passive Resistance & Tough Love
  4. Respect-Boundaries
  5. The Space Beneath the Tightrope
  6. When to Challenge
  7. The Bitch
  8. It's No Big Deal
  9. The Doormat

Chapter 13: Progress

  1. Midlife Crisis Takes TIME
  2. Positive Signs
  3. Dating
  4. It Seems Hopeless; Is it Worth it?
  5. Back-Limbo-Forward
  6. The Lure of Change
  7. Doubt & Confusion
  8. Limbo

Chapter 14: Pursuit & Distance

  1. Pursuit & Distance
  2. Pursuit & Distance: Questions-Comments and Answers
  3. Pursuit & Distance: Hoovering
  4. Reassure or Instill Fear?
  5. MLCer's Run, Even When the Alienator is Gone

Chapter 15: Limited Contact Levels

  1. Limited Contact Levels
  2. Dim & Dark
  3. No Contact
  4. Expectations, Control & Manipulation

Chapter 16: Cake-Eating

  1. Cake-Eating
  2. The Friendship Balance

Chapter 17: Planting Seeds to Build Trust

  1. The Danger of Questions
  2. Change Your Language
  3. Communicating Your Stand
  4. Denying Choice
  5. Planting With Monster

Chapter 18: Betrayed: Dealing with Infidelity

  1. Excuses
  2. Excuses with Validity
  3. I Don't Get It
  4. Contacting the Alienator
  5. The Affair Down
  6. An Affair Down Alienator is an Advantage
  7. What Makes the Alienator an Affair Down?
  8. The Woman Scorned
  9. The Woman Scorned Part II

Chapter 19: Coming & Going

  1. Touch-n-Goes & Reconnection
  2. Reconnection
  3. Being Number One
  4. The Lost Love
  5. Wanting More

Blog Articles List

This list is organized automatically by date of publication, so I apologize that it is not in neat categories--I still have not found a nice plug-in for organizing at the blog.

I'm Kenda-Ruth and I believe in marriage.

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