The Hero's Spouse

"I subscribed only yesterday, but
already feel that I am getting
more concrete answers to what is
going on in my marriage."

Support for Dealing with Infidelity
and a Spouse in Midlife Crisis

If you've been wondering:
  • How can I Stand for my marriage when my spouse won't even talk to me?
  • How do I stop crying, begging, panicking...?
  • How do I forgive and can I trust again?
  • What is going on inside my spouse's head?
  • What is midlife crisis?
Help is here!

Is your spouse having a Midlife Crisis (MLC)? Is he or she depressed, cheating, talking about divorce, acting moody or angry? Do you want to learn how to deal with someone experiencing MLC?

This website is for the spouses of those experiencing a crisis of identity wherein the person often sees no alternative but to abandon his marriage. Though the identity crisis I focus on is the Midlife Crisis, crises of other life transitions may also apply.

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Thank you for visiting The Hero's Spouse. I am Rollercoasterider. Though I recognize exceptions, I do not advocate divorce. I am a Stander.

Empirical Midlife Studies and the Backlash Against Midlife Crisis
Read my paper reviewing some of the major studies on midlife and how the interpretations or claims regarding midlife crisis do not always match the data.

A person who seeks to remain married while his or her spouse is seeking to escape the marriage; legal actions may or may not have been initiated or finalized. Some are Standers by action, while others are strict Standers in philosophy, believing divorce is an immoral action.

You may be a strict Stander, or you may choose to Stand without a strict aversion to divorce, or you may simply be uncertain whether your relationship is worth a Stand. It is for each individual to choose whether to Stand, or whether to step down. Some Standers are for Life, continuing to Stand knowing restoration of their marriages is unlikely. They are the Covenant Keepers, honouring their vows even as their spouse may marry another. Regardless of your beliefs and goals, you are welcome.

What is a Hero?
Today the term hero has a connotation of someone who offers themself for what they consider a righteous cause, a person who rescues and saves people from dangerous and life threatening situations or someone people respect and seek to emulate. That is not how I use the word. I use the term as a reference to story—The Hero's Journey—the main character of a story. We are each on our life journey and are the Hero of our story. The Hero's Spouse is you or it is your MLCer—you are the Hero of your own journeys, I do not mean to imply a positive or negative connotation with my use of the word.

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Though you can read the blog directly from the website, why not sign up to receive it directly in your email? It's easy and convenient and will remind you to keep visiting and join the discussion!

Why should you sign up?

Are you losing your hope because you don't understand what's happening?

Do you really understand midlife crisis?
Do you understand why your spouse wants out of your marriage?
Do you understand what is so enticing about the affair?
Do you understand why someone would steal someone else's spouse?
Do you know what to believe?
Do you understand what is happening to you?
Do you even know what you want anymore?

Would it help if you did understand these things? Would it help you to feel better, stronger, and to function? Would it perhaps even help your marriage? Wouldn't your efforts be different if you understood these things?

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Why listen to me? What do I know?

Because I have been where you are and I learned how to get through it with my marriage intact.

I don't offer superficial overviews.

  • I've researched midlife crisis in depth, studying Jungian views of midlife and incorporating his ideas of psychological type to understand the differences in individual MLCers.
  • I've studied Erik Erikson's stages of human development to gain an understanding of the roots of crisis and how they may manifest in adulthood.
  • I've studied depression and the differences between overt and covert depression to explain different behaviours that are often not recognized as depressive.
  • I researched the psychology of affairs, looking into the motivations for choosing a partner who is already married. Who does this and why?
  • I've studied hypnotherapy to gain an understanding of language and communication in addition to learning to control my cycling emotions amidst crisis.

No, these studies were not a part of an academic training program. I'm not a counselor or a psychologist. I have not discovered a magic pill or a lost system from ancient times that will cure your problems. I learned through trial and error what worked and what did not work in my situation. I learned that sometimes what worked one day did not the next. I learned to be consistent regarding what I wanted from my life and what I needed to do to realize my goals—personal and marital.

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Unsure whether to bother signing up?

Explore the site, read the articles and determine for yourself whether the content is worth reading additional articles. Love AnyWay is FREE, so...

Bonus: Free Offer For!

In return for signing up I will give you a pdf copy of my personality disorder reviews from my popular article series Affair and Midlife Crisis Personality Dynamics.

Signing up for updates is the only way to receive this additional offer. Why? Sorry if it seems cheesy, but I do want you to sign up!

Why is it important?

Though your MLCer may not have a personality disorder, he or she may reveal behaviors of personality disorders during the crisis. People with personality disorders are common mate predators and thus an alienator in your situation may have personality disorder or, like your spouse, be in MLC and displaying personality disorder behaviors while in crisis.

What's the catch?

Why am I offering so much free information? Because I've been where you are now. How are you going to make your house payments when your household income is cut in half or more? I couldn't afford expensive coaching or counseling services and I know that most of you can't either—and many who can now will have fewer resources as the midlife crisis and any legal processes progress. I want to give forward.

Do I have an agenda?

Yes, I do. I hate divorce. I know that is unpopular in this divorce-happy culture, but it's how I feel. I want to help restore marriages. I want you to know that there is hope. This is also a business and traffic is a requirement for its success.

And I will be honest; there is an advantage for me if you sign up rather than simply visit the site without signing up for uatomatic updates because I can report my email list statistics as I promote my manuscript. That's right, much of the content of the main site is a manuscript which I would like to publish in print format. Publishing Agents want to see sign up levels in the thousands; and for that I need you—and a few thousand others!

The end goal of my personal mission is to prevent divorce and facilitate rebuilding a greater marriage. A marriage is not doomed when one partner wants out. Though there are no guarantees, it is possible to prevent a divorce. But to do so, it is necessary to accept the death of the former relationship in order to allow a new marriage to arise from the ashes. Marriages can survive Midlife Crisis. There is no guarantee, but Faith and Hope make it possible.

I've researched the Internet and am disgusted by websites that prey on your vulnerability. These usually have few if any outgoing links, they start with a large font headline to grab your attention and follow that with a dynamically dated letter addressing you as Dear Friend or some other familiarity. They use fear tactics to get you to purchase their services or e-book—or e-book with a free-consultation at a price well beyond the retail price for a book published by a reputable publishing house with editorial checks and balances. Don't get me wrong, some of the books and services may be worth the price, but I don't trust businesses that use those tactics.

Why should you sign up?

  1. Relevant content.
  2. Lively Discussion of posts.
  3. It is the only way to receive the pdf reviewing personality disorders with bonus sections.
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