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Table of Contents

The articles here on the main site are the first draft and online version of my book The Hero's Spouse. Later print versions will have some material removed as well as new material added--some articles which are at the blog perhaps.

Introductory Chapter: Standing

Part I: MLC & Infidelity
Informational articles about Midlife Crisis & Infidelity

Part II: Mirror-Work
Inspirational and instructional articles encouraging Self-Focus

Part III: Standing Actions
Instructional articles about interacting with your MLCer

Chapter 1: Standing

5 Articles
  1. How Do You Stand?
  2. Why Are You Standing?
  3. Why Stand?
  4. Clarifying the Concept I
  5. Clarifying the Concept II

Part I: MLC & Infidelity

33 Articles

    Chapter 2: Midlife Crisis Overview

  1. Overview
  2. Midlife Crisis Stages
  3. Contact Types
  4. Contact Types: Clinging Boomerang
  5. Depression Overview
  6. Blind to Destruction
  7. A Midlife Metaphor
  8. Accommodation
  9. MLC Phase1: Separation
  10. Escape & Avoid
  11. Replay
  12. Covert Depression
  13. Stage Obsession
  14. MLC Phase 2: Liminality
  15. Transition is Liminal
  16. When is Liminality?
  17. MLC Phase 3: Rebirth & Integration: A Brief Introduction

    Chapter 3: Turmoil & Chaos

  1. The Shadow
  2. Contrasexual Complex
  3. Initiatory Experience
  4. Tarnished Knight
  5. Projection

    Chapter 4: Understanding Infidelity

  1. Introduction
  2. Why Her?
  3. In-fatuation Vs. In-Love
  4. Science Vs. Love
  5. Breaking Up is Hard
  6. Love & Hate
  7. Love & Indifference

    Chapter 5: Affair & MLC Personality Dynamics

  1. Jealousy & Envy
  2. Emotional Blackmail
  3. Consequences
  4. Monster

Part II: Mirror-Work

49 Articles

    Chapter 6: The Unconditionals

  1. Grace
  2. The Fairness of Grace
  3. The Many Forms and Facets of Grace
  4. Agapé
  5. Forgiveness
  6. Stages of Victim Development
  7. Responsibility & the Betrayer

    Chapter 7: The Assurances

  1. Introduction
  2. Hope
  3. The Greeks
  4. Relying on Hope and Enabling Hope
  5. Hope as Incentive and Signs
  6. False Hope
  7. Hopelessness
  8. Belief & Believe
  9. Self and Your Spouse
  10. Stories and Human Behavior
  11. God/Higher Power
  12. Faith
  13. Trust
  14. Deception Destroys Trust
  15. Tidbits of Trust

    Chapter 8: The Releasers

  1. Introduction
  2. Detach
  3. Practical Applications to Detachment
  4. Let-Go
  5. Surrender
  6. Acceptance
  7. Accepting Sin
  8. The Nature of Suffering
  9. Wallow or Embrace?
  10. Are Attached to Your Inner Victim/Suffering?

    Chapter 9: Gratitude

  1. Introduction
  2. Count Your Blessings
  3. Expectation & the Gratitude of Job
  4. In Defense and Caution of Praising God

    Chapter 10: Who Are You?

  1. Who Are You?
  2. Why Should I Work on Myself?
  3. Fearing & Judging the Search
  4. Your Present Life Story
  5. Step Out of the Box
  6. The Insistence on Maps

    Chapter 11: Choose Joy

  1. Choose Joy
  2. Positive Mental Attitude
  3. Be Infectious
  4. Acting as If--Fake it 'Til You Make it
  5. Happiness When
  6. How Should I Act Around Him?
  7. It Doesn't Matter What You Do...

Part III: Standing Actions

46 Articles

    Chapter 12: Balancing Love

  1. Validation
  2. What's Bad?
  3. Passive Resistance & Tough Love
  4. Respect-Boundaries
  5. The Space Beneath the Tightrope
  6. When to Challenge
  7. The Bitch
  8. It's No Big Deal
  9. The Doormat

    Chapter 13: Progress

  1. Midlife Crisis Takes TIME
  2. Positive Signs
  3. Dating
  4. It Seems Hopeless; Is it Worth it?
  5. Back-Limbo-Forward
  6. The Lure of Change
  7. Doubt & Confusion
  8. Limbo

    Chapter 14: Pursuit & Distance

  1. Pursuit & Distance
  2. Pursuit & Distance: Questions-Comments and Answers
  3. Pursuit & Distance: Hoovering
  4. Reassure or Instill Fear?
  5. MLCer's Run, Even When the Alienator is Gone

    Chapter 15: Limited Contact Levels

  1. Limited Contact Levels
  2. Dim & Dark
  3. No Contact
  4. Expectations, Control & Manipulation

    Chapter 16: Cake-Eating

  1. Cake-Eating
  2. The Friendship Balance

    Chapter 17: Planting Seeds to Build Trust

  1. The Danger of Questions
  2. Change Your Language
  3. Communicating Your Stand
  4. Denying Choice

    Chapter 18: Betrayed: Dealing with Infidelity

  1. Excuses
  2. Excuses with Validity
  3. I Don't Get It
  4. Contacting the Alienator
  5. The Affair Down
  6. An Affair Down Alienator is an Advantage
  7. What Makes the Alienator an Affair Down?
  8. The Woman Scorned
  9. The Woman Scorned Part II

    Chapter 19: Coming & Going

  1. Touch-n-Goes & Reconnection
  2. Reconnection
  3. Being Number One
  4. The Lost Love
  5. Wanting More

Blog Articles List

This list is organized automatically by date of publication, so I apologize that it is not in neat categories--I still have not found a nice plug-in for organizing at the blog.



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