Attachment is passive; it is to be yoked or subconsciously bound. To hold on is conscious and deliberate; it is a choice. A marionette attached by strings to a puppet master is completely without will or control. The slightest movement of the strings yields a reaction that is equal and opposite to the action of the puppet master. The dynamics of an MLCer and an attached spouse are frightening, for the strings of both the MLCer and spouse are not connected to a guiding hand above, but to each other. A mother and fetus are attached by an umbilical cord. The mother's hormones, all she ingests, all of her bodily actions have a direct impact on the fetus--who is without choice. Choice is a freedom that comes with Detachment. Detachment is not a compassionate void; rather it is a place of clarity wherein we connect to the cosmic web rather than being bound within it.
We live in a physical universe held together by a set of absolute laws. An innocent toddler may not choose to fall out a window; whereas a depressed individual may choose to jump. Yet gravity is absolute, treating both equally. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction--another absolute law. But our universe is greater than its physical laws. Within this universe we have Free-Will--Choice. The absolute physical laws are a model of Attachment and yet our world has no equivalent laws to govern emotions. Though reactions are equal and opposite, responses are under the jurisdiction of Free-Will. A reaction is without choice or thought; the puppet master lifts the string attached to the right hand of the marionette to raise the arm. Attached, you take turns being the controller and the controlled.
Attached, we react. But we are not puppets. Awareness is the first step toward change. Cut the cord. This need not require physical distance or separation. You need not separate from the person to separate from the emotions so that tweaking the cord yields no ripple effect. Detached, you will respond from a place of choice.
Detaching releases you to control your life and your emotions. Staying connected to the person is possible; Detachment is from the ego and its emotional reactions. Taking Detachment too far is to refuse to choose--this is to detach from life. It is also possible to take detachment too far by detaching not only from the ego and emotions, but also from the core person. Complete Detachment is to be without passion. The concept of Detachment is to create and choose joy within all circumstances. Rather than a release from life; it frees one for complete immersion.
You know you’ve gotta stop crying, panicking or asking your spouse ANYTHING. And you know you should let-go and give space so that you can learn to respond and communicate with your spouse from a place of calm rather than emotional hurt.
Understanding Midlife Crisis
The foundational course to give you answers and clarity into "What the he!! Is going on with my spouse!"