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By Kenda-Ruth Stumpf

To be able to believe in your Self, it is important that you know who you are. That doesn't mean you must know everything there is to know; Self discovery is part of the joy of life's journey. But it is important that you deliberately focus on your Self. What gives you a sense of accomplishment even when no one else knows about it--when there is nothing to which an outsider can judge by comparison? What is there that you love that is only for and about you?

What new skills do you need to learn for your individual success and survival? Before MLC, when your spouse was home and loving, you may not have believed you could change a flat tire, fix the washing machine or raise your children and juggle their activity schedules on your own. Now you may be the only one available to do those things. Can you do them? Perhaps you doubt your Self.

Take each day, one at a time, one task at a time. What do you want to do and what do you need to do that you have not yet done with your life? Believe you can do it by taking it one step at a time. Small goals add together to make big accomplishments.

Fear overpowers many of you after Bomb Drop. Your MLCer is in Monster and blaming you for everything wrong. You are an emotional wreck because your emotions are still attached together and every time your MLCer reacts or engages you, you do the same back and thus both of you engage and react to each other, keeping yourselves attached. It is this dance of attachment that is keeping you from taking those single steps toward progress.

Your Spouse

No, I'm not telling you to believe in your MLCer; I am advising that you believe in your spouse--the person you married. Did you marry a person you believed in? Right now you may be reviewing your spouse's weaknesses that seem to have come to the forefront in MLC but have always been a presence. She was never confident; he was always stubborn... Is that why you married them? Doubtful. Like your spouse, you may be rewriting history in light of your present circumstances, forgetting or dismissing their strengths and what it was that attracted you. You did not marry the MLC Monster; you would not have married the MLC Monster. So who did you marry?

When you were dating, what was it that convinced you to believe in their abilities? I'm not talking about trusting with your heart, but concrete things. Were they punctual? Did her action match her words? Was he respectful? Did your spouse overcome challenges, showing you that she was strong and had determination? Who was the person that you believed in back then? That person has changed, but their core qualities are still within them. Believe in the idea that what you loved about them has not died. Those qualities and attributes still exist, but in MLC the Shadow obscures them because fear is an overriding force.

I'm Kenda-Ruth and I believe in marriage.
Are you tired of hearing...
  • Once a cheater always a cheater?
  • You're better off without him?
  • She doesn't deserve you?
  • I guess it just wasn't meant to last?
  • Divorce is no big deal?
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